a technicolor jouney to nowhere
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Friday, July 15, 2005
so yeah it's been like a really long time since i updated....guess i just thought that nobody really cared about my life....well right now i'm writing to let ya'll know i'm having a little get together @ my house next week....not sure of the details yet....gotta figure out my work schedule first but i'll keep ya'll updated....if you are interested leave a comment....well that's all for now...later
from the city i will soon be leaving,
Joy
Current mood:  blah Current music: the history channle in the background
Thursday, May 26, 2005
"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd."-Alexander Pope
that's a quote i got from the movie eternal sunshine of the spotless mind(awesome movie btw)....i've always really liked it and i put it into my facebook profile a long time ago....anyway it got me thinking, if i could erase faylan from my memory would i?....frankly i'm not really sure....i think if he could erase me he would in a second....he really seems to hate me even though he says he doesn't and he kinda has a right to....in a way it would be alot easier to move on....but, like in the movie, you may erase the memories of that person but you'll never erase the feeling that accompanied them....idk i just think about this kind of stuff alot lately....i've been depressed ever since i came home, this being one of the reasons....not this specific thing but just the whole issue of me and faylan in general....talked to danny about it and that helped alittle better....i told steve how i've been feeling and he said like everyone else"go w/ the flow you worry and think about things too much"....well now i'm rambling....anyway i know that basically there is a very good chance that faylan and i will never be friends again....there is also a chance he will never talk to me again....other people say to just give him time and space to get over it but i really don't think he'll ever forgive me....and that hurts but i guess i'll have to deal w/it cuz it's my fault and even if it wasn't these things just happen, all the time all over the world, and all you can do is just try to accept it and go w/ the flow....again i'm rambling....
well i could write about this all night if i thought anyone was actually going to read my insane rantings....but my wrist really hurts and i need sleep....i invite anyone to post a comment or give me a call if you wanna hang out....i'm still unemployed and have lots of free time....lol omg i sound so desperate....but the truth is even though i hate this place i miss my friends here....so yeah sorry for the long boring meaningless post that is nothing but my bitchings.....i think post like this one are why steve hates all personal blogs and says that they are just ppl whining....he's dumb sometimes....oh well....that's all for me tonight....later all
from the city of really hot weather,
Joy
Current mood:  pensive Current music: who's line is it anyway...so funny gotta love it
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
so right now i'm @ stanford visiting my bestest friend, miss fabianna perez :D....i'm having alot of fun here....her friend sera is awesome....the only really sucky parts are as follows: 1)im a little sick :(, 2)i have to go home soon and i don't have a job and i'm not registered for summer class, 3)finally the thing that is bugging me most is the situation w/ faylan.... now i don't want anyone to take that last one the wrong way.... I actually really do still care about him even if he doesn't believe it....but the fact that we can't get along really gets to me.... and i know it could cause problems for other ppl if we are in the same place @ the same time.... so anyway i called him last night... i don't wanna say we got nowhere cuz i actually feel that he was really honest w/ me about how he felt...and that really hurt me....but it needed to happen...however it's going t be pretty awkward this saturday @ tony's b-day....idk i wrote more but i deleted it cuz it doesn't matter cuz i'm hated in holtville and philly is the only place for me now....it's gonna be a long summer....sorry for everyone i might offend w/ this post...after august 12th you all never have to see me again....peace out
from the city of really smart people (i guess),
Joy
p.s.
sorry for the bitterness
Current mood:  cold cuz i'm by an open window Current music: "taste of ink"-the used
Friday, April 29, 2005
"So Sad:'(
Just wrote my RA a small novel about how much I'll miss her. Leaving LaSalle for the summer is going to be by far the one of the hardest part of my freshman year. Only two more meetings left w/ Anna. No more dinners left w/ VIP234. So little time to spend w/ all those I love, especially you babe. Is it gonna be like this every year?
Idk but I need rest....last day of Stress Busters tomorrow *hooray*
leave some to make me smile<3"
yeah that pretty much sums it up....peace
from the city i really don't wanna leave,
Joy
Current mood: pensive Current music: alternating btwn the used and jimmy eat world
Monday, April 11, 2005
[Spoken:]
Small, simple, safe price
Rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets
This is not a small cut that scabs, and dries, and flakes, and heals
And I am not afraid to die
I'm not afraid to bleed, and fuck, and fight.
I want the pain of payment
What's left, but a section of pigmy size cuts
Much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks
Would you be my little cut?
Would you be my thousand fucks?
And make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid
To fill, and spill over, and under my thoughts
My sad, sorry, selfish cry out to the cutter
I'm cutting trying to picture your black broken heart
Love is not like anything
Especially a fucking knife
Look at me, you can tell
By the way I move and do my hair
Do you think that it's me or it's not me?
I don't even care
I'm alive
I don't smell
I'm the cleanest I have ever been.
I feel big, I feel tall, I feel dry (dry)
[Chorus:]
Just look at me, look at me now
I'm a fake [x4]
Just look at me, look at me now
I'm a fake [x4]
Do I drink? Do I date?
I've got perfect placement all my ink
Satisfied, in your eyes
I'm the biggest fan I've got right now
I made sure, that I look how I wanted to look
The people around me, the people surround me
I feel big, I feel tall, I feel dry (dry)
[Chorus]
My stomach hurts now, and all tied off in lace
I pray, I beg for anything, to hit me in the face
and this sickness isn't me, I pray to fall from grace
The last thing I see is feeling
And I'm telling you I'm a fake [x4]
And I'm telling you I'm...
[Chorus]
Current mood:  awake in many ways
Saturday, April 9, 2005
wow, never thought i'ld be saying that....so there are 29 more days till i leave philly for the summer....i'm not coming straight home tho....i'm goin' up to the bay area to visit fabi, danny, denisse, and ceasar(my jr. prom date & RYLA buddy)....should be pretty fun....but i'm actually really not looking forward to coming home....i know i've said that before but i really mean it...the thing is when i'm here i'm generally a happy productive person....i've been doing really well in school and i still have time for steve , my friends, and extracurriculars....i mean lately things have been super busy and i looks to stay that way till the end of the semester....but generally it's been a really good semester....however i'm afraid the good times will end as soon as i come home....i do have my friends @ home and i can't counsel for CASC camp unless i come home but other than that there isn't really much there for me anymore....it's not that i don't love my family but it's just i get along w/ them better when i'm thousands of miles away....idk it's really depressing me thinking about going home....and i really want to try to enjoy the time i have left here....well i'm bizzin'
from the city of brotherly love,
Joy
Current mood: pensive Current music: steven snoring....lol
Current mood:  amused,but alittle freaked out
Monday, April 4, 2005
If we cut out the bad
Well then we'd have nothing left
Like I cut up your mouth
The night I stuffed it all in
And you lied to the Angel
Said I stabbed you to death
If we go at the same time
They'll clean up the mess
I lost my head
You couldn't come
This lust to my brain almost feels like a gun
Watched you bite into the bottle
Watched me kick out the chair
Let you chew up the glass
And laughed as you just hung there
I have thought of rose petals mostly perfect and pure
Then I thought of your petals
And the abuse they've been through
I lost my head
You couldn't come
This lust to my brain almost feels like a gun
You lost your head
I couldn't come
This lust to my brain almost feels like a gun
Whoa whoa
I told the angels
Cant stay in heaven
I asked the devil
If we cut out the bad well then we'd have nothing left
Like I cut up your angels
Yeah you stabbed me to death
I lost my head
You couldn't come
This lust to my brain almost feels like a gun
You lost your head
I couldn't come
This lust to my brain almost feels like a gun
i don't know what is with me and this song this morning....i've seriously listen to it like 5 times in a row....but yeah so i really llike it and i'm not sure why....but anywho....hopefully get time to write more later
Current mood: pensive
Thursday, March 31, 2005
Cant you see that its just raining
Aint no need to go outside...
But Baby, You hardly even notice
When I try to show you this
Song is meant to keep ya
From doing what your supposed to
Waking up too early
Maybe we can sleep in
Ill make you banana pancakes
Pretend like its the weekend now
And we can pretend it all the time
Cant you see that its just raining
Aint no need to go outside
Just maybe, like and ukelele
Mommy made a baby
Really dont mind the breakfast
Cause your my little lady
Lady lady love me
Cause I love to lay here lazy
We could close the curtains
Pretend like there's no work outside
And we can pretend it all the time
Cant you see that its just raining
Aint no need to go outside
Aint no need aint no need Mmmm MMmmm
Cant you see cant you see
Rain all day
And I dont mind.
The telephone is singing
Ringing its too early
Don't pick it up
We don't need to we got everything
We need right here
And everything we need is enough
Just so easy
When the whole world fits inside of your arms
Don't really need to pay attention to the alarm
Wake up slow, yeah wake up slow
You hardly even notice
When I try to show you this
Song is meant to keep ya
From doing what your supposed to
Waking up too early
Maybe we can sleep in
Ill make you banana pancakes
Pretend like its the weekend now
And we can pretend it all the time
Cant you see that its just raining
Aint no need to go outside
Cant you see cant you see,
You gotta wake up slow
hummm....now who does this remind me of....maybe the person who always tells me i don't really have to got to class....that chris can handle the radio show by himself this morning....lol steve is going to be the death off my gpa....but i love him....*sigh* i'm a dork....ok later
Current mood:  relaxed
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
that's right....even though the trees aren't green yet it definitely feels like spring here @ lasalle....it's also been a great day cuz the two papers i had due friday got moved to next week....which means i have more time to enjoy the weather....and spend w/ steve....we've been dating for about a month now *giddy smile*....*sigh* ah to be in love in spring is a glorious thing....new love is great isn't it....yeah there are those who would say just give it time it won't stay that way....and i know that....but for the time being i'm enjoying it....as for the old flame he's found a new little someone of his own and we are now getting along just fine which it is very good...life is pretty good right....i really almost don't want school to end i'm so happy here....but i do miss my friends in cali...hope you are all well and happy....well if you'll excuse me i think i'm going to go soak up some of the beautiful weather....peace out
from the city of brotherly love,
Joy
Current mood:  all springy Current music: "stellar"-incubus
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
yeah it's been a hell of a long time since i updated....maybe cuz i'm afraid to write about my life for fear that a certain someone might read it and get hurt....but we talked about that last night so hopefully that is worked out....if you're reading this i was really glad to hear from you and know that thing are on the up and up for you...well i'ld love to tell all ya'll the insane week i'm having but i have to go print papers i the computer lab....my computer is still fucked up and won't recognize the printer or anything in the usb*grr*....i think i'll update again of friday....after i've made it through this insane week(hopefully)....ok hope you all are doin' well and getting more sleep than me...ok i'm bizzin'
From the city of brotherly love,
joy
Current mood:  tired Current music: "crawling in the dark"-hoobastank
Tuesday, March 8, 2005
Girl, understand why
See it's burning me to hold onto this
I know this is something I gotta do
But that don't mean I want to
What I'm trying to say is that I-love-you I just
I feel like this is coming to an end
And its better for me to let it go now than hold on and hurt you
I gotta let it burn
[Verse 1]
It's gonna burn for me to say this
But it's comin from my heart
It's been a long time coming
But we done been fell apart
Really wanna work this out
But I don't think ya gonna change ya
I do but you don't
Think it's best we go our separate ways
Tell me why I should stay in this relationship
When I'm hurting baby, I ain't happy baby
Plus theres so many other things I gotta deal with
I think that you should let it burn
[Chorus]
When your feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to
But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might bruise you
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn
Deep down you know it's best for you except but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
You know that it was through
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn
[Verse 2]
Sendin' pages I ain't supposed to
Got somebody here but I want you
Cause the feelin ain't the same find myself
Callin' her your name
Ladies tell me do you understand?
Now all my fellas do you feel my pain?
It's the way I feel
I know I made a mistake
Now it's too late
I know she ain't comin back
What I gotta do now
To get my shorty back
Ooo ooo ooo ooooh
Man I don't know what I'm gonna do
Without my booo
You've been gone for too long
It's been fifty-eleven days, um-teen hours
Imma be burnin' till you return (let it burn)
[Chorus]
When your feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to
But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might bruise you
Let it burn (let it burn, let it burn, you gon'learn)
Let it burn (gotta let it burn)
Gotta let it burn
Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
you know that it was through
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn
[Bridge]
I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry (ooooh)
I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry (yeah)
[Breakdown]
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh oooh
Ooh ooh oooh (can ya feel me burnin'?)
Ooh ooh ooh oooh ooh oooh
So many days, so many hours
I'm still burnin' till you return
[Chorus]
When your feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to
But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might bruise you
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn
Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
You know that it was through
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn
i really need something to help me feel better....alot alcohol might do the tick....anyway this song came on in tony's car on the way back from the fair and i almost started to cry....you're not the only one hurting...i wish you would talk to me....oh well....i'll be gone soon...hope that will help make you happier...i'm sorry
Current mood:  depressed
Monday, February 28, 2005
Some people call me the space cowboy, yeah
Some call me the gangster of love
Some people call me Maurice
Cause I speak of the pompatus of love
People talk about me, baby
Say I'm doin' you wrong, doin' you wrong
Well, don't you worry baby
Don't worry
Cause I'm right here, right here, right here, right here at home
Cause I'm a picker
I'm a grinner
I'm a lover
And I'm a sinner
I play my music in the sun
I'm a joker
I'm a smoker
I'm a midnight toker
I get my lovin' on the run
Wooo Wooooo
You're the cutest thing
That I ever did see
I really love your peaches
Want to shake your tree
Lovey-dovey, lovey-dovey, lovey-dovey all the time
Ooo-eee baby, I'll sure show you a good time
Cause I'm a picker
I'm a grinner
I'm a lover
And I'm a sinner
I play my music in the sun
I'm a joker
I'm a smoker
I'm a midnight toker
I sure don't want to hurt no one
Wooo Woooo
People keep talking about me baby
They say I'm doin' you wrong
Well don't you worry, don't worry, no don't worry mama
Cause I'm right here at home
You're the cutest thing I ever did see
Really love your peaches want to shake your tree
Lovey-dovey, lovey-dovey, lovey-dovey all the time
Come on baby and I'll show you a good time
this song reminds me of someone...maybe cuz we listened to it together...maybe cuz of the name of the band...maybe cuz they made a really cute reference to one of the lyrics...it's hard i don't wanna say too much...i think i've already said enough to hurt someone...you know who you are and i'm sorry...well i think i'll write more about this later...gotta study for a poli sci midterm...peace
Current mood:  chipper
Thursday, February 10, 2005
yeah i feel like i'm neglecting my journal....i mean last semester i check evey day like three times a day to see it there were and new entries on my friends page....now i look and i'm like damn how long has it been since i read anyones journal damn.....oh well....just busy this semester....that's what happens when you actually start to have a social life....so yeah already this semester i skip class too much, don't do my work enough, drink too much, sleep too little(@ night that is), nap every day like it's my job, eat WAY too much junk food, party on week nights, and flirt w/ lots of guys when i'm drunk....which isn't as bad now that faylan and i are on a break....don't worry we're still together, sorta....well the important part is we're defiantly not broke up and we still love e/o and are talking and not fighting....which was kinda why we took the break....anyway....gtg finish writing a paper that was due tuesday....lol i might turn it in tomorrow before i go out....maybe....if i feel like it....lol....i'm so bad....well peace out girl scouts
from the city of brotherly love,
Joy
Current mood:  mischievous Current music: "life" - our lady peace
Ooh I promise not to do it again
I promise not to do it
You can't say I don't love you
Just because I cheat on you
Cuz you can't see all I do
To keep you from knowing the things I do
Like erase my phone
And keep it out of town
I keep it strapped up when I sleep around
Well I should have known one say you'd find out
But you can't go and leave me now
You know that I love you
There's no one above you
I said it the last time
But this is the last time
Don't make me over
Cuz I can be faithful
Baby you're my number one
You're my number one
Now who is she?
What's her name?
You don't need to know about everything
We fight about this
We fight about that
You hang up the phone and call me right back
Well I'll never be something I'm not
Please don't throw away what we've got
Cuz we've been together for way too long
I was playing around but I'm coming home
You know that I love you (know that I love you)
There's no one above you (no one above you)
I said it the last time (hey, hey)
But this is the last time
Don't make me over (don't leave me baby)
Cuz I can be faithful (you know I try)
Baby you're my number one (baby)
You're my number one
[Kanye's Rap]
I keep you laced up so you aint gotta borrow nothing
From them broke ass friends who be bargain hunting
They say they shop on eBay --baby why is they frontin'?
They be on the internet but they never cop nothin'
I keep you in Girl what is those on your toes?
And your neck staying froze off that rose colored gold
I suppose you was told by them hoes I was cheatin'
Thinkin' my heart don't got nothing to do with my penis
He got a mind of his own and he just be seeing shit
And I don't wanna cheat but I don't be saying shit
I try to jack off he ask me who is you playin' wit?
But I know he love you he told me you was his favorite
You know that I love you (know that I love you)
There's no one above you (above you)
I said it the last time (said it the last time)
But this is the last time (hey hey hey yeah)
Don't make me over (don't leave me baby)
Cuz I can be faithful (you know I try)
Baby you're my number one (oh baby)
You're my number one
You're making it hard for me
You're messing up everything
You tell me I gotta leave
Say we over
You saw that she came over
Came in the Range Rover
Left with a hangover
Say we over
I promise I won't cheat
I promise I won't lie
I promise I'll act right
Say we over
You can't tell me
I can't have you
I can't have that
We aint over
Hey, it aint over baby
We aint over
Oh you don't need to go it's not over
We aint over
Oh...
We aint over
Oh it's gonna be alright now don't go now
omg i heard the rap part in this and just started to bust up.....i mean wow.....gotta love kanye west and john legend.....good stuff
Current mood:  giggly
Thursday, February 3, 2005
damn it's been along time since i update....well let's see....the eagles are going to the super bowl and i'm crazy excited....E-A-G-L-E-S, EAGLES!!!!!....yeah so awesome....school?....eh, school is school....really like my interpersonal communication class tho....i think i'm getting more of an idea of what i wanna do w/ my life after college....then again maybe not....lol idk....friends?....well chris and i are cool....it was weird for a little while and i'm still not sure why....but now things are cool....the show was fun today....like old times....even tho we were both sick*bleh*.....oh btw we've got a new timeslot....9-11 thursday mornings....idk why chris wanted to do the mornings again but w/e....if you wanna listen the link is http://www.lasalle.edu/wexp/index.html ....well what else....sam's b-day was last weekend and it was insane....let's see there was one piercing, one tattoo, two parties, a couple of guys hitting on us that we had to turn down cuz we have boyfriends, and LOTS of alcohol....it was AWESOME....and now i have really cool fairy tattoo(don't worry i was completely sober when i got it)....faylan and i are good....wish he was already graduated and here w/ me but,like anna said,what doesn't kill the relationship will make it stronger....anyway that's my life right now....i miss all ya'll in cali....especially you baby.....well this college girl is bizzin'....peace
from the city of brotherly love (and hopefully the home of the 2005 super bowl champs),
Joy
Current mood: mellow Current music: "midnight show"- the killers
Saturday, January 22, 2005
You Are From Mercury |
You are talkative, clever, and knowledgeable - and it shows.
You probably never leave home without your cell phone!
You're witty, expressive, and aware of everything going on around you.
You love learning, playing, and taking in all of what life has to offer.
Be careful not to talk your friends' ears off, and temper your need to know everything.
|
You Are a Visionary Soul |
You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness.
Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connect to your soul.
You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable.
Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings.
You have great vision and can be very insightful.
In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself.
Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend.
You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer.
Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul
|
Current mood:  bored Current music: the sound of snow falling outside
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
OMG IT'S SNOWING GUYS....*yay* my first snow in philly i'm so excited....
it was the second day on classes today so now i've been to all of my classes and i've come to one conclusion: i'm not going to have much fun this semester....it's not that i have bad teachers or boring classes....actually most of them seem like there going to be pretty cool....it's just gonna be alot of work....oh well....to cold to go out to partying and stuff anyway....other interesting thing about today it that i found out that chris is in my interpersonal communication class....so @ least i have one friend in one of my classes this semester......
well gtg cuz i've got homework to do so i can go watch go the b-ball game against GW(dumb school that rejected me, i hope we beat them, but i doubt we will w/e)....can you believe it only the second day of class and already i have like a ton of reading and two assignments due tomorrow....ah well....i'm outie...peace bitches
from the city of brotherly love(and snow, don't forget the snow lol),
Joy
Current mood:  yay snow, yay snow, yay snow Current music: "longview"- green day
Thursday, January 13, 2005
faylan and i are back together :D.....oh i'm so happy and so is he.....to bad i have to leave so soon :(....love is a beautiful and painful thing but it ok just wanted to let ya'll know.....so now i'm bizzin' to take care of stuff i need to do before i leave and that if i don't do soon my mom will kill me....peace out
from the carrot capital of the world which i will soon again be leaving *tear tear*,
Joy
Current mood:  loved Current music: "st.jimmy"-greenday
It's a big mistake
50 days, 3 months away
I'd be laughing today
But your voice on the phone gives me no reason
Don't take from me
My heart is barely beating
Don't take from me
I'm falling down
All I want to do is lie in bed with you
All I really ever need is you
All I got to do is give up all I have to be with you
It's a different day
1500 miles away
Why would you want to stay?
So take a look around
All I want to do is lie in bed with you
All I really ever need is you
All I got to do is give up all I have to be with you
All I want to do is to be close to you
All I want to do is to be next to you
All I want is you to give up all we had to be
I can't remember why I'm here
If you'd let me spend my life with you
December's gone
It came and went
All I really need is you
I'm waiting here for you
December's gone
It came and went
btw this whole album is awesome so check it out....ok that's all...later
Current mood: chipper
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